You've dreamed of this for ages and ages and you're finally doing it ... a fabulous destination wedding in the place where you and your fiancé are totally excited to exchange vows. You picture every detail of how it will feel being married in front of your closest friends and family members ... and now you're hearing those dreaded words, "We just won't be able to make it."
I know it's devastating. Ken and I have had this response from several of those on our guest list ... even from some immediate family members who we really want to be there ... and we've had to come to terms with this news.
There will be practically as many reasons for this response as there are guest regrets and truthfully there's just not much you can do about it. I'm hoping that once you understand that this is their decision (not yours) you'll be able to move on and accept it.
The most common reason given seems to be the "we just can't afford it" scenario and I know first hand that this can conjure up some mixed feelings for most brides and grooms. Everything from "can't you just quit (fill in the blank - shopping, going out to dinner, etc.) spending between now and our wedding" to "don't you have a credit card you could put it on" and many more right? Well, you're going to have to understand that for some there truly is no money or credit card available and for others maybe they just aren't willing to spend the money to attend your destination wedding.
I always say that life's about choices and this is their choice and most likely there's not much you can say that will change their mind on this. Try stating a simple, "We're so sorry to hear that you can't come to our wedding but if something changes between now and then we'd still love to have you there" and try to leave it at that.
It's likely you'll hear a lot of other reasons and some will seem completely ridiculous to you, but again, this is their choice and getting upset or angry about it isn't going to change much.
By understanding that there's not much you can do about those who say they're not coming I'm hoping you'll focus on the guests who are excited and able to spend this very special time away with you. If you can temper any hard feelings towards those not attending it would be wonderful if you kept them in the loop during the planning and after you return so they know how much you wanted them to be a part of your big day.
Do you have any friends or family members who you really want there who aren't coming? Are you upset by their reason? Do you feel they could make it but are making up excuses for not attending? For those who have already married - did those who didn't attend show remorse after the fact? Please share your thoughts on this below in the comments so we can all learn from this and support each other. *SmiLes* Suzanne
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We had some people who we knew could afford it tell us they couldn’t afford to come – first stating that the airfare was $950 a person even though we found flights for them for $350 and then saying they just “couldn’t justify it.” It really was very upsetting but we got over it. It’s hard not to take these types of responses personally but we decided that we probably had a better time without “them” there anyway so that’s that. Thanks for the topic – made me feel better reading that we weren’t the only ones who struggled with this issue.
@tiffany ~ I’m sorry to hear that … and as you read above … we’ve had our fair share of disappointments too. If people don’t want to come – they won’t (and they’ll use any excuse) … or they’ll come and possibly be miserable and potentially ruin your big day – so it’s best to not “beg” them. LOL
As a “Mexico” bride I’ve had to first deal with the “drug wars” and now the “swine flu” so we don’t know what we’re doing at the moment. *sigh*
Keep in touch and let us know how the guest list (rsvp’s) are shaping up. *huGs* S
We have a bit of a family feud going on and my partner’s family blanked us at another wedding we attended. Now our neice is getting married and really wants us there but we know the family will blank us again and we won’t know anyone else there. We feel torn about going but would feel really awkward and embarrased for other guests to realise we are family but not included in the ‘crowd’. I have the RSVP ready to go with ’sorry, unable to attend’ but once it goes, that’s it and the war will just worsen! What to do?